Hello, great people of the Internet! Today, I will teach you about… *Drumroll* Tears! Yep. Tears. Like, actual tears. These weird drinks shorten the amount of STRENGH, DETERMINATION, and DEFENCE your Hype Train Team has, but it increases the amount of possible SALTINESS and HATE they have, making the Hype Train nearly empty.
What? You DON’T want that on your personal Hype Train? YOU CAN GO- Wait. That’s actually very reasonable. At least Tears can debuff the Call of Duty Hype Trains. (No offence to those that like the series.) Which is kinda needed to keep the Hype Road safe. You don’t want too many immature 5-year-olds on a Hype Train, y’know. Anyways, onto the actual subject!
Alright, there are supposedly over 8000 types of tears. But let’s talk about the most popular Tears to use!
Sonic Tears- These Tears contain the Tears of many Mary Sues, Furries, Immature-for-their-age 20-30 year olds, and 700 pinches of rage. These are hard to cook, but they taste like sweetfish. The amount of rage is known for causing the drinker to explode, thus making one able to handle the rage a challenge. People earn hot chicks, dudes, and money for this twisted sport. Rating: 2/10- too much rage.
Sword Art Online Tears- Actually a very recent type of Tear, but they exploded in popularity back in 2k13. These Tears are from 12-16 year olds who can’t grammar, Immature people who can’t accept the fact that Sword Art Online has flaws, and, rouge shippers. These, much like the Sonic Tears, can cause the drinker to explode. Not out of the amount of Rage included, (Heck, there’s a lack of it.) but the amount of stupidity. Rating- 7.5/10- Best Tears evuur.
Pure Hate Tears- Possibly the saltiest, hateful, and old Tears ever. Essentially the origin of every Tear to exist. Formed out of a stunning 80k pinches of Hate, 665 inches of salt, and everything else hateful. Most of the information surrounding this product is very scarce because the IGOM (Idiot Government of Money) took all of it. Ah well. 11/10- I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TYPE HERE.
Now, I shall teach you all how to make tears. I will be using the Edgelord Tears for an example. First, get a cup. ANY TYPE OF CUP! JUST DON’T GET TWO MAIDS INVOLDED! No, not a bra, either, All I need is a simple glass. Second, adventure out into the Internet to find a sort of Edgelord, a type of hater who wants everything to be “BLOOD, DEAD PARENTS, MISERABLE, DEATH, ANGST, NO JOY, NO LAUGHS, NO NOTHING”. Well, if you’re using my recipe anyways. Otherwise, get whatever the directions say on the back.
Third, if they’re in a argument, now’s your chance! Use the epic power of illogical absorbing and absorb all their tears into a small canteen. Great, now get the heck out of there! Edgelords are very strong, and it’s impossible to get them banned without hacking. Any sort of Tear is hard to get no matter what.
Fourth, GET HOME.
Fifth, play any sort of epic music.
Sixth, JUST DO IT! MAKE THE TEARS!
CONGRATULATIONS! You just made some Tears. You have two options.
- Drink the Tears now.
- Drink them after a while.
My preferred way of drinking Tears is 1, but you can do 2 if you want to.
And that’s the end of this lesson everyone! Hope you thought this was useful.
That was silly. I had fun making this, though.