Basically Xenoblade summarized- part 1
Warning- Spoilers. Do not take this seriously at all please. It’s meant to be funny.
Prolouge- Something about Mechon
Once upon a time in ANOTHER DIMENSION
Totally not some science experiment there were these two titans called Bionis and Mechonis. They hated each other are beat each other up. THE END- No, not really. Life then came up and became civilized and all that good stuff. But all that changed when the Terminator MECHON ATTACKED!!! In short, this awesome guy named Dunban used this sword called the Monado that a bunch of now dead people found and kicked every Mechon’s butt out of the Bionis! Oh, and there was this scared guy named Mumkhar who died. Oh, don’t forget about Dickson. He helped, I guess.
Chapter 1- Colony 9 took 9999 damage
1 year later, there’s this geek named Shulk who is researching the Monado and it’s awesome secret powers that got him in Smash Bros. So one day, he and his friends Fiora and Reyn go and get some stuff for their hometown Colony 9 when, THE MECHON ATTACKED AGAIN ‘CAUSE THEY GOT COLONY
SISS 6! There was this Mechon named Metal Face that was unkillable. Even the Monado boy himself (Shulk) couldn’t dent it. It killed Fiora… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! So Shulk and Reyn go on a journey to find and kill all da Mechon and find the secrets of the Monado…
Chapter 2- The Colony Siss (Xenoblade YTP) V.S A character mentioned in a sidequest chain. Part 1
Shulk and Reyn go to Tephra Cave so they can get to Colony 6. Some evil Spider attack later, Shulk can now (officially) see the Future. IN GAMEPLAY!!!! Then Shulk and Reyn go to Gaur Plains to get to Colony 6. After saving the dummy Juju, Shulk and Reyn learn that Colony 6 got taken over by Mechon thanks to the weakest party member, Sharla. Then Shulk gets a vision of Sharla and Juju dying because of a dumb decision. Juju, being Juju, decides to go to Colony 6 because of his duminess. Shulk, Reyn and Sharla all go to rescue him for some reason. So then they run into a Mechon. They kick his butt and prevent the vision. Yay! Oh no… Juju got captured by a Face Mechon named Xord. Then everyone was like- “Let’s go to the Colony 6 Ether mines!” In short, Gadot’s (Sharla’s boyfriend) died. Otharon (The captain of Colony 6’s defence force) is alive. Some drama about seeing the fuuuuuuuutttuuuurrrreeeee happens. Long story short, we killed Xord. Bad news, Mechon hijack LOL. Worse news, Metal Face. Epic news, DUNABN JOINED THE PARTY! Also, yay more visions.
Chapter 3- FORESHADOWING!
We went through Satorl Marsh. Yay pretty area. Yay Dickson said something suspicious. Yay sidequest. Yay Bionis interior. Yay foreshadowing cutscene.
Chapter 4- RIKI OWN DINOBEAST WITH ADORABLENESS!
Oh, hey, it’s a girl. She’s fighting this Telethia thing. Oh no. She got owned. Let’s save her in the most improbable way possible. Shooting her! Yeah! Oh no Telethia. Yay, new ability! Alvis huh?
Nice to meet you computer guy. Hey miss we saved you (*SLAP!*) MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s go kill the Telethia! Oh, thanks for the help Riki. We killed the Telethia. Yeah! Let’s go to Alcamoth- WHAT THE HECK GUARDS!!!!
Chapter 5- Long story short.
Melia’s stepmom is evil. She tried to assainate her and Shulk, Reyn, Riki and Sharla. Lorithia is obviously evil. We saved Melia! Great, another Mechon attack. Let’s go and own people!
Chapter 6- WHAMMO!
We go meet an old guy
evil god/scientist Klaus Zanza who upgrades the Monado into Monado 2!! Only to die in front of our faces while Melia’s dad does as well. Then we slash this silver Mechon’s body part only to reveal- Wait- could it be!?- OMG- There was a homs pilot in there! And it was Fiora! As Shulk said it- “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, Melia’s brother, Kalien got involved too. He’s going to attack the Mechon with some allied force. Yay. To sum up how that went, he got Otharon to lead the homs, Himself to lead the High Entia, and Dunga to lead the Nopon. Their attack happened after the events on Valak Mountain.
To be continued in part 2.